Jesus on Marriage and Divorce – Mark

Brandon Werner   -   January 28, 2024

Jesus on Marriage & Divorce

Pastor Brandon Werner | Together Church OKC |
January 28, 2024 | Series: Mark

INTRODUCTION

Mark 10 begins with Jesus moving to a new geographical location. Large crowds gathered once again to hear His teachings.

Then, some of the Pharisees came to “test” Jesus with a question. What is implied here is some sort of entrapment; they had come with the wrong intentions.

Specifically, the Pharisees wanted to see how Jesus would handle the delicate issue of marriage and divorce.

Marriage and divorce are delicate subjects. For many in this room, there is a sting associated with the word “divorce”. Some feel that sting firsthand because of their own personal experience. Others feel the sting of marriage and divorce because their parents or someone they care about have endured a divorce.

Just as it is in our society, the Pharisees knew this was a charged subject in their society. So, to test Him, they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

That was their question, but what was their test?

Mark doesn’t say. But it could really be one of two things…

Because of the geographical location Mark describes for this story, the first and most likely test of the Pharisees was a political test.

Mark describes this event as taking place in the region of Herod Antipas, the Jewish Tetrarch appointed by Rome to rule that area. If you recall from Mark 6, this is the same Herod who ordered the beheading of John the Baptist.

Ultimately, John the Baptist was executed because he condemned Herod’s sinful marriage to Herodias. Herodias had married and divorced Herod’s brother, Philip. John stepped into the delicate realm of marriage and divorce and correctly accused Herod, a powerful Jewish leader, of adultery. John’s bold stand for the truth eventually resulted in his execution.

By asking this question about marriage and divorce, in this region, the Pharisees could only hope that Jesus would incriminate Himself in the eyes of Herod and Herodias just like John. Perhaps His answer would result in the same untimely fate. That political test on an emotional charged subject is likely the test of the Pharisees.

It is also possible the test of the Pharisees was a theological test.

At that time, there were two camps among the Pharisees with different schools of thought on many issues. One was more conservative, and the other more liberal. I like how RC Sproul puts it: “Beloved, there are always conservatives and liberals.”

Among those two camps, there was disagreement concerning God’s law and its treatment of marriage and divorce. Their disagreement went back to the law of Moses that the Pharisees reference in this Mark 10 when they said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” What is that passage in the mosaic law? Let’s read it…

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, 2 when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, 4 then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.

The theological debate between the conservative and liberal camps among the Pharisees was over the interpretation of this passage. They argued, “What does it mean for a wife to be unclean or to be detested by her husband?”

To us, the most logical answer to that question might be the physical act of adultery. But both the conservative and liberal camps agreed that this passage could not be talking about physical adultery.

You see, the law of Moses had already prescribed the punishment for the physical act of adultery: for God, that sin was a sin unto death. The sentence for someone guilty of physical adultery in the law of Moses was death by stoning.

So, if a man didn’t want to be married to his wife anymore, and she committed adultery, the marriage could end by her being stoned. Both conservatives and liberals among the Pharisees agreed that the uncleanness in this passage on divorce could not be referring to the physical act of adultery.

So, what was it?

Conservatives held to the belief that it had to be some sort of sexual immorality. They interpreted Moses’ precept to mean that, if a wife defiled herself through some sexual misconduct that didn’t meet the standard of physical adultery, but that was detestable to her husband, that Moses permitted the husband to write her a certificate of divorce.

Liberals among the Pharisaical camp held another view. To them, the “uncleanness” in the passage could be anything that caused the husband to detest his wife. Their interpretation included anything the wife did that caused her husband displeasure. For example, one Rabbi in that camp wrote that if a wife broke a dish that the husband truly loved, that act of displeasure constituted legitimate grounds for him to write her a certificate of divorce.

In essence, this interpretation of the law of Moses had created a loophole so that a man could make a case for legitimate divorce for just about any reason.

Those were the two views. The view that had won the day at that time was the liberal view. Even Jesus’ disciples would have known that view, and many of them could have held that view personally. This disagreement only added heat to an already hot topic. So, the test of the Pharisees could have certainly been a theological one. Anything Jesus said against the legitimacy of divorce based on the liberal view of the law of Moses would have set Him against the social norm.

But Jesus didn’t make a habit of allowing social norms to determine what He said.

So, how did Jesus respond?

By pointing them right back to the Word of God.

Jesus asked the Pharisees what the law of Moses said. That move was brilliant. By asking that question, Jesus forced His accusers to bring up a passage He knew they couldn’t agree on. Not only that, but that question forced the Pharisees to look at God’s Word again.

In their response, they correctly concluded that Moses “allowed” a man to write a certificate of divorce and send his wife away. Moses allowed divorce, but he did not prescribe it. He did not condone divorce, nor did he condemn it. What Moses did do was place restrictions on divorce. Why did Moses do that? Jesus gives us the answer…

Mark 10:5

5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart [Moses] wrote you this commandment.”

In His response, Jesus declared that Moses’ words about divorce were not a command or even a specific liberty, but a divine concession because of sin and the hardness of people’s hearts.

Jesus didn’t stop there. He continued on, pointing them back to the creation account in Genesis 2 and God’s intended design for marriage.

Mark 10:5-9

5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Jesus does not reference Moses’ restrictions on divorce for hardened hearts. Instead, Jesus takes us right back to God’s authorship and design for marriage in Genesis 2. Here, Jesus defines the biblical marriage covenant.

According to Jesus, what is the biblical marriage covenant?

• One man and one woman.

Jesus said, in the beginning, “God made them male and female.”

God designed marriage to be a covenant shared between one man and one woman. Jesus doubled down on that design when He said that God’s plan is for a man to leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.

As the Author and Creator of marriage, God sets its terms. God says marriage is a union shared between one man and one woman. The marriage union is a sacred and exclusive union that the man and wife share with each other and with no one else.

• One flesh.

Because of the sacredness of this union, God gave a sign for marriage that was only to be shared between a man and his wife. That sign is the physical act of marriage. Jesus prescribes this sign when He said, “the two shall become one flesh.”

Jesus emphasizes the sacredness of the marriage act and its exclusivity when He adds, “So they are no longer two but one flesh.” According to God, this sacred act is reserved for the marriage covenant alone. Because this sign was created by God and designed for marriage, God calls sexual acts outside the marriage covenant fornication or sexual immorality.

Jesus defines the marriage covenant as one man and one woman, one flesh, and…

• One lifetime.

Jesus said, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” The Pharisees confused what Moses said to limit divorce with God’s intention and His original design for marriage.

Hear me carefully on this: in the beginning, when God instituted marriage, God’s plan and intent for marriage was a lifelong covenant that is only ended through death.

This design still influences our marriage vows in our culture today. When people are married, the common phrase is not, “For as long as it makes me happy.” Or, “For as long as we are compatible.” In our vows, we say, “For as long as we both shall live.”

God’s design for marriage is for it to be a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman who are one flesh.

In contrast to God’s design, consider with me that the divorce rate is now well over 50% in our society. Not only that, but we now have an entire generation choosing cohabitation over marriage because they have seen so many marriages fail and have lost confidence in that plan.

What should we make of this? There’s a lot that we could discuss.

Perhaps the most important takeaway from that reality is this: without God’s help, His plan for marriage is too lofty for us.

His disciples understood just how lofty this plan was. They had been brought up by the prevailing rabbinical thought of that day being that a man can write a certificate of divorce to his wife for just about any reason. Their struggle with Jesus’ teaching shows…

Mark 10:10-12

10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Jesus doubles down. He does not allow the social norms of their society to determine their view of God’s design for marriage.

If we close the Bible here, it would seem easy for followers of Jesus to find complete unity and agree that Jesus forbids divorce for all His followers in all cases.

That would be a sound understanding of Jesus’ words except for the parallel text in Matthew’s gospel, where we find an expanded version of Jesus’ answer.

Matthew 19:8-9

8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

In scholarly circles, this is often referred to as the “exception clause” given by Jesus concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage. The exception Jesus gives is based on the grounds of “sexual immorality.” Later, Paul would add even more clarity on exceptions to marriage, divorce, and remarriage for the gentile church in 1 Corinthians 7.

Does Jesus’ exception clause change God’s design and intention for marriage? Absolutely not. God’s plan has been and remains one man and one woman, one flesh, and one lifetime. But here we see Jesus’ compassion and understanding that the fallenness of mankind and the hardness of hearts due to sin mandates another divine concession.

But here’s the problem. In the church, we have people erroring on both sides of this complicated issue.

• Some believers teach others that divorce is never permissible for a follower of Jesus no matter the conditions. Church family, we should never limit where God gives freedom.
• Some believers abuse this divine concession. They are like the liberal Pharisees of Jesus’ day. They have concluded that they have legitimate grounds for divorce and even for divorce and remarriage when they do not. They abuse the mercies of God.

What do we believe and practice at Together Church?

• We believe that God is the author and creator of marriage. We accept His definition of marriage as one man and one woman, one flesh, and one lifetime.
• We believe we should depend on God’s power to uphold our part of the marriage covenant. We will not allow personal unhappiness, incompatibility, or other reasons of that nature to become legitimate grounds in our minds for ending our marriages. We will hold sacred what God holds sacred.
• We believe we must withhold judgement when we do not have all the facts. We believe our leaders must do their part to gather information and understand each unique circumstance to draw the right conclusions.
• We believe we must trust our leaders and depend on God to use our authorities to help us discover His will for our lives.
• We believe in working hard to apply wisdom and compassion to each situation as we help people discern God’s will in scripture in light of their unique circumstances. We believe we must lead disciples of Jesus to understand what God permits, what God forbids, and how to discern God’s voice so they can choose to be godly in their lives.

If time allowed, I could say so much more. But these beliefs can and will guide our response as we love people and lead them to follow Jesus.

Thankfully, our church is blessed to have a body of elders who are working together to understand God’s Word. Pastors who work as a team to help navigate the difficult situations that arise in this broken and fallen world.

CONCLUSION

As we near our conclusion, I want to lead you to personal application.

Would you pause to appreciate the difficulty of this task? To lead people to follow Jesus on an issue that is so emotionally and politically charged?

Think about the diversity in this gathering. There are some who are single and have never been married; some married; some married to a spouse who has violated the marriage covenant; some separated; some divorced and single; others divorced and in a relationship, or divorced and remarried; and there are some cohabitating together but who are not married.

How can we even begin to apply this teaching from our Lord to so many situations? The Lord gave me three applications that apply to all of us. All three of these applications must first be applied to our beliefs before we can discern God’s will in our unique situations.

What are those three applications?

1. Believe that Jesus’ teachings will always challenge the social norms for marriage and sexuality.

Our training about marriage and sexuality cannot come from this world. It cannot come from cultural icons like the television show Friends or the lyrics of Taylor Swift; or from the portrayal of marriage and sexuality in movies and books; or from the news articles we read and their commentary on various issues; our worldview must come from God’s Word. We should expect the social norms of this world to contradict Jesus’ teachings and pervert God’s incredible design.

God wants you to recognize Satan’s activity in this world. God’s plan is to bring Himself glory through godly marriages! Satan’s plan is to pervert God’s design and to use marriage and sexuality to destroy people’s lives and to bring glory to himself instead of God. As disciples of Jesus, we must agree that our source for understanding marriage and sexuality will be the Word of God and those authorities God has given to help us interpret God’s Word in our unique situations.

2. Acknowledge and honor Jesus’ authority over our personal sexuality and marriage.

The world says your marriage and your sexuality belong to you. As followers of Jesus, we insist that our marriage and our sexuality belong to God. As disciples of Jesus, we will follow Him. In other words, we do not make decisions for ourselves based on our personal feelings or what others say is right or wrong. Whatever you are deciding – whether remaining single, getting married, ending your marriage, or possibly remarrying – you must take personal responsibility to study God’s Word and ask spiritual leaders for help before you cross those lines. As a disciple of Jesus, your decisions must be driven by what is godly, not by your emotions or desires.

3. Treat the physical act of being one flesh as an exclusive sign of the marriage covenant.

God prescribes the physical act of marriage for the biblical marriage covenant… He gave it as a sign for marriage.

Sometimes, disciples of Jesus abuse that act by practicing sexual immorality. This could be cohabitation or sleeping around, or through an addiction to pornography, or a number of other sexually immoral practices. If you have gone the way of the world and have been abusing God’s sign for the marriage covenant, God is calling you to repentance. Sexual immorality is the most common way people in the church mistreat God’s sign for marriage.

But there’s another way that people in the church can detach God’s sign of being one flesh from the marriage covenant. I am talking about believers who are married but no longer practice the physical act of being one flesh with their spouse; and their reason is not legitimately because of physical inability.

In 1 Corinthians 7, God’s Word says:

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Sadly, there are many in the church who withhold the sign of oneness from their spouse. When Christians deprive their spouse of their conjugal rights, they are guilty of detaching God’s sign of the marriage covenant from their marriage. They are failing to keep the “one flesh” agreement.

We must not error on the right or the left. God wants us to align to His view that the physical act of marriage belongs to Him and has been given exclusively as a sign or a renewal of the marriage covenant.

INVITATION

When you look at these three personal applications God has for all of us, which one applies most to you this morning?

Transparency: When I look at these, I recognize my own failure to reach God’s lofty goal for marriage and sexuality.

• I’m thankful my wife, Rachael, is the only person I’ve shared the one flesh act with.
• But I see many other areas where my sin and sexual misconduct have brought pain and caused harm to me and to those I love.

What do we do when we realize how short we’ve fallen?

• Recognize God’s forgiveness (all-sufficient).
• Remember the Lord knows your past. Nothing is hidden from His sight. You are fully known and fully loved.
• Believe that we are not here to put you under judgement. I do a good enough job putting myself under judgement. I don’t need help getting under judgement, I need help remembering there is now, therefore, no condemnation for those in Christ! Trust in God’s grace and mercy, but don’t abuse it.
• Let the question, “How can I be godly?” drive you moving forward.

When Jesus taught this lesson on marriage and divorce, He did it at the risk of His own life. Certainly, within God’s plan, teachings like this ultimately led to His own execution.

How about us? Will we stake our lives on the teachings of Jesus? Is He Lord over our marriages and sexuality?

Few things reveal whether Jesus is truly your Lord like surrendering your desires and expectations to God in the area of marriage and sexuality. When Jesus is Lord of your life, you genuinely believe the very best thing that could happen to you is His will.

God is calling all of us to raise the standard this morning; to overcome the social norms through the teachings of Jesus. What is God leading you to do personally based on this message? Will you do it?  Let’s pray.