Christian Households and the New Humanity – Colossians
Christian Households & The New Humanity
Together Church | Pastor Brandon Werner
July 12, 2026 | Series: Colossians
INTRODUCTION
We’re picking up where we left off last week in Colossians 3. Let’s read the passage together…
Colossians 3:18-4:1
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. 1 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
Those are some powerful instructions.
They challenge us to develop a Christian worldview.
Teachings like this are not the milk… they are the meat.
The meat takes more work to chew and digest, but it brings about the real substance and growth.
Hope you’re ready for some adult food today.
When we examine a passage like this one, the tendency is to jump right in and start looking at the various roles and instructions Paul gave the church concerning Christian households.
But if we do that, we’ll miss the most significant insight of this passage.
Now certainly, there’s some good information and teaching here that we should really hear and take seriously.
But consider this…
Paul literally rapid fires instructions for seven different roles in nine verses.
He quickly covers:
- Wives
- Husbands
- Children
- Parents
- Fathers
- Slaves
- Masters (lords)
That’s hardly in-depth teaching.
In fact, if you’re looking for in-depth Bible teaching on these roles, you can easily find several passages in the New Testament that offer a lot more content and instruction on each of these subjects.
My point?
If we jump right into the passage, we’ll miss the forest for the sake of the trees.
There’s a reason Paul inserts this section on godly living within God’s order for Christian households at this precise moment. And his primary purpose is not in-depth teaching on each role.
Here’s the reason:
Paul addresses God’s instructions for Christian households at this precise moment in his letter to…
- Affirm that God’s order is still intact
- Lead the church to live like the new humanity in their God-ordained roles
BODY
Let’s look at that first point…
- Paul is affirming that God’s order is still intact
This is a necessary affirmation because the reality of God’s new humanity is so AWESOME.
Throughout this entire letter, Paul’s been leading the church to believe that God is creating a new humanity through faith in Jesus. He wanted them to believe and live like they belong to it.
Colossians 1:13-14
13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
That’s literal!
Then, Pastor Chad brought that awesome message from Colossians 3 last week where Paul said…
Colossians 3:1-4
1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Can you hear the tension? Already and not yet.
(Already raised with Christ! When Christ appears, you will also appear.)
He wanted them to believe they belonged to the new humanity and to live like it.
And in that new humanity, we have a new spiritual identity, and it defines us. We no longer regard ourselves or one another according to the flesh. If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation!
And Paul described that new creation like this in…
Colossians 3:9b-11
9 …you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. 11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
Do you hear the throwing off of these human identities?
Paul knew believers were going to get excited as they grew in their understanding of what it means to be part of the new humanity.
- You mean my earthly identity no longer defines me?
- You’re telling me I am a new creation in Christ?
- My old self is dead with Christ?
- I’ve been born again of the Spirit of God?
- Eternally accepted and alive with Him?
Glory!
Lord Jesus, I’m ready. Take me now! That’s where my affections are.
I’ve lost affection for this body of flesh, and I’m enamored by Jesus and the new life I have in Him.
Now, enter today’s passage.
The placement of this passage is of utmost importance.
Paul knew that the reality of the new humanity was SO AWESOME that it could lead some well-intended people in the church to draw the wrong conclusion and THROW OFF any and all human identities…
There was a risk they would wrongly conclude that, in Christ…
- There’s no such thing as wife or husband!
- No such thing as parent and child! Father or mother!
- The coming of Jesus has cancelled out God’s design!
- We’re already raised with Christ and have been transferred into His Kingdom!
I mean, after all, when talking about the resurrection, didn’t Jesus Himself say…
Matthew 22:30
For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
Paul anticipated how some in the church might say,
“Well, Paul said in Colossians 3:1 that we “have been” raised with Christ! We are in the resurrection! Let’s throw off any and all human identities.”
And Paul believed that risk was too great to run.
So, rather than abandoning God’s order, Paul immediately shows the church what it looks like to live as the new humanity within His structure.
This is not a shift to a new topic; this is the punch in his application.
Paul is being clear:
God has not cancelled His order in humanity.
God has affirmed His order in the age of the church!
His institutions and the limited authority He gives are still intact.
And through this passage, the Holy Spirit wants to…
- Lead the church to live like the new humanity within their God-given roles.
Now we get to look at Paul’s rapid-fire list of seven roles.
The goal is to find yourself on this list and to ask, “God, how do you want me to live like Jesus within the roles You have assigned?”
As we look at this list, here’s the thing…
Paul doesn’t take time to give a lot of qualifiers or disclaimers as he reviews these roles and reaffirms God’s order for the church.
So here’s what that means for me…
If Paul wrote it like that, I can preach it like that. I don’t have time to give all the qualifiers or disclaimers you might want me to give.
We all must continue in discipleship, prayer, and Bible study to grow in our understanding of God and His design.
But here’s what I commit to do…
I will preach what God’s Word says about these roles and how we honor the Lord in them.
That’s my part.
Your part is to listen to the Holy Spirit and let Him convict you as you strive to live like the new humanity within your God-given roles.
Ready?
These are the seven roles, in Paul’s order…
- Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.
I hate that the word “submit” sounds like an ugly word to many people in our context.
It’s a beautiful word in the Bible… and it’s a simple word.
To submit literally means “to place under” or “to subject oneself.” Godly submission in wives is when a wife voluntarily recognizes the spiritual authority God has given her husband to lead their family and she chooses to support his leadership in that role.
The most beautiful example of submission in the Bible is Jesus and His submission to His Father. You can read about that submission in 1 Peter 2 and how it relates to wives in 1 Peter 3… that wives would look like Jesus.
Wives, you look like Jesus when you admire the example of Jesus and aspire to be like Him.
In this instruction, Paul offers one qualifier to wives…
And it really defines the kind of godly submission Paul is talking about.
“Submit to your husbands AS IS FITTING IN THE LORD.”
That phrase is so important.
The word “fitting” means “suitable” or “appropriate”.
The idea of something being “fitting” actually appears frequently in the New Testament, not just in this instruction for wives.
In each appearance, something “fitting” involves applying godly discernment and wisdom in every unique situation.
Do you realize that there are thousands and thousands of decisions and behaviors you must make in your lifetime that are not explicitly spelled out in God’s Word?
- What job will I take?
- What house will I buy?
- Who will I date?
- What do I do when a pandemic hits like that one in 2020 that we don’t really like to talk about?
- What clothes should I wear?
- Should I eat a burger or salad for lunch?
- Should I make that joke or keep it to myself?
The list goes on and on.
Enter the biblical category of what is “fitting”. God expects that we would grow in our understanding of who He is, who we are, and of His order so that we can discern what is “fitting” by applying godly discernment and wisdom to each decision.
That kind of growth is ongoing.
And it always involves time in prayer, time in God’s Word, and time invested in discipleship.
Paul is saying that godly submission in a wife happens when she grows in what is fitting… specifically, what is fitting “in the Lord.”
Wives, as you serve the Lord by supporting the leadership of your husbands, what is fitting in your marriage is what is fitting in the Lord. Jesus is your ultimate Lord. What you do for your husband should always be pleasing, honoring, and glorifying to Christ… fitting in the Lord.
That’s Paul’s instruction for wives. Then Paul says…
- Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
The Bible says all authority comes from God. That means any authority the husband has comes from God. And God’s Word is clear: He will hold every authority responsible for the way they use their authority.
How do husbands live like they belong to the new humanity in their God-given role?
Paul says they are to use the authority God has given them to LOVE their wives.
Again, the best example of love in all of scripture is Jesus.
The Bible describes Jesus as the Bridegroom and the church as His bride. How did Jesus use His authority in His relationship to the church?
He loved the church by laying down His life for her. You can read about the example of Jesus’ love and how it relates to husbands in Ephesians 5.
When God gives someone authority, they show love to those they lead by laying down their life to serve and protect.
There’s a reason the military uses “serve and protect” as a mantra. Soldiers have authority to fight battles on behalf of the nation they serve. There’s no greater love than laying down your life to serve and protect.
And in the Bible, once again, Jesus is the best example…
- The Bible says Jesus has ALL authority in heaven and on earth.
- Philippians 2 says Jesus willingly laid aside His rights to become a perfect servant to us… even to the point of death on a cross.
- In John 10, Jesus says He is the Good Shepherd who lays down His life to protect His sheep.
- And Romans 5 describes how Jesus died to save us from sin and to protect us from the wrath of God.
Jesus laid down His life to serve and protect His bride (the church).
Husbands look like Jesus when they lay down their lives to serve and protect their wives.
God has given men strength in their bodies to fulfill their God given role. We have that strength to LOVE: to serve and protect.
That strength is evident in God’s creation and even in social issues we care about…
This whole national debate about men in women’s sports is a really clear example of this reality in God’s design. God didn’t make men better! But He made men and women different. That difference is the whole basis for this movement to protect women’s sports.
We are to use that strength to LOVE our wives.
In Roman culture, Paul knew men were prone to using their strength to be aggressive with their wives (and honestly towards their children and their bondservants, as well) to get what they wanted.
So, Paul adds this clarifier: “and do not be harsh with them.”
One of the most important ways a husband protects his wife is through self-control… protecting his wife from his own outbursts in the flesh.
If I’m not careful, as Rachael’s husband, I might slip out of love by loving the BENEFITS I get from Rachael instead of truly LOVING RACHAEL. At the root of harsh words and actions is a love for self that is greater than a love for those God has placed in my care.
Harshness is an indicator that I need to return to love: to step into my calling to lay down my life to serve and protect my wife.
This is what Paul is saying:
When husbands live like they belong to the new humanity, they use their authority and strength to serve and protect those in their care.
And then Paul says…
- Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
By now, we should be recognizing a pattern in these roles. Each one is in relation to authority.
All authority comes from God. He alone is supreme in authority.
In His infinite wisdom, God has given limited authority to specific roles within His order. Each of these roles on this list is either someone in authority or under authority.
Children are under the authority of their parents: both father and mother. Here’s Paul’s instruction…
Children, OBEY your parents in EVERYTHING, for this pleases the Lord.
Notice that Paul uses “obey” for children and “submit” for wives. Paul never instructs wives to “obey” their husbands.
That’s because obey is a very different command in the way you relate to authority.
Obedience is not identical to submission. Submission is voluntarily choosing to support the leadership of your God-given authority.
The command to obey is much stronger.
Obey is a compound word in the Greek (two words smashed together). It literally means “under” and “to hear”.
Obedience means hearing your authority and complying with what they say. Paul says children are to OBEY their parents in EVERYTHING.
This means hearing and complying with their…
- Teachings
- Wisdom
- Discipline
- Direction
- Instructions
- Correction
Once again, Jesus is our great example of obedience.
Jesus, the Son of God, OBEYED His Father. Philippians 2 says He was obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Children, you are living like the new humanity when you obey your father and mother in everything… this is pleasing to the Lord.
Next, Paul speaks directly to fathers…
- Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Paul affirms the spiritual authority of fathers AND mothers, and then he adds one more instruction for the man of the house.
“Do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
God knows the strength and authority he has given men can easily be abused in their households. Fathers look like the new humanity when they use that strength and authority to love their children rather than serving their own self-interests.
Fathers, Pastor Jerry just brought a message on this exact instruction on Father’s Day. If you missed it, I encourage you to hear it.
There’s two more on Paul’s list, and we will take them both together…
- Bondservants, obey your masters and serve them as unto the Lord.
- Masters (lords), treat your bondservants justly and fairly.
There’s way more to get into here than we have time.
This specific instruction for Christian households is not as relevant to our congregation today as it was to Colossae when Paul wrote this letter.
Paul knew that there were literally masters and bondservants participating together in the same local church… and they were going to be sitting together when they heard this read out loud.
Let me make a few short observations…
In both the Old and New Testament, the Bible explicitly calls “manstealing” a sin. This is the practice of kidnapping and enslaving people to sell them for profit.
That is precisely what made slavery in American history such an abomination. Anyone who knows something about slavery in American history knows the horrors and evil of Africans being kidnapped, shipped away, and sold into slavery.
And that evil cost well over 600,000 lives in the civil war before it was finally abolished in our nation.
Manstealing is always immoral and condemned in scripture.
At the same time, slavery in the Roman world (with its social class distinctions) was not identical to race-based American slavery.
That doesn’t mean there wasn’t abuse in that system! Paul wrote to address that specifically. But it does mean that we can’t slap our American lens of slavery onto Paul’s instructions here.
It is also important we realize that, when Paul gave these instructions for Christian households, he was speaking to the existing institution of slavery, not instituting it. It was already an institution under Roman control.
Paul’s concern isn’t to explain the institution of slavery. His concern is to show what happens when both master and bondservant belong to the new humanity in Christ.
That is true of all these roles in the Christian household!
The new humanity doesn’t erase God’s order—it transforms the people who live within it.
So, what are the principles in Paul’s instructions to bondservants and masters?
To bondservants, Paul is clear and encouraging.
Honor God’s authority. Obey (not just submit) your earthly masters.
As you do so, know this: the work you are doing is not really for people… you are really doing this work UNTO THE LORD.
And you will receive your reward of your inheritance from Him.
Not only that, but Paul speaks to any suffering they might be experiencing in their role. He says, “The wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.”
We’ll circle back to that.
What does Paul say to masters?
The Greek word translated “master” is literally the same word for “lord” (the same word for the Lord Jesus). We need to hear that so we catch the severity of what Paul is saying.
He says, “Hey, you lords. As you go about lording, you better remember you have a Lord who is in heaven.”
That warning carries a punch.
Now circle back.
In his encouragement to bondservants, he’s also warning masters. He says God will judge the wrongdoer and there is NO PARTIALITY with Him.
What does it mean there is no partiality.
It means that if your behavior towards someone is unloving, Jesus isn’t going to let you off the hook because you were their master.
And that goes for all authorities.
Husbands, Jesus isn’t going to say, “Why did you treat that person so harshly and in an unloving way?” And then you say, “Well, that’s my wife.” And then He says, “Oh! That makes all the difference! Never mind then.”
No!
He will repay the wrongdoer and hold you to account with no partiality.
Same goes for parents. God will not judge you differently if you are unloving to your children. “Oh! I didn’t realize you were mean and hurtful to your kids when they were bratty. Never mind then!” Not at all.
He repays the wrongdoer and there is no partiality with Him.
That observation is very relevant for us.
And here’s one final observation…
While we no longer have slavery as part of our government institution in America, these principles of serving your authority as unto the Lord absolutely apply to those in the workplace.
Now, to be clear, I strongly reject the absurd notion that slavery exists in corporate America. If you voluntarily took a job, you get a paycheck, and you can voluntarily walk away, it is not slavery. None of us should dare water down the severity and abomination of slavery with a comparison like that.
Even if you have a bad boss or work environment, and even if you need the money, it isn’t even close to the same thing.
That said, your employer is your authority.
When you serve them, do it as unto the Lord and not as a man pleaser, knowing that you have a Father in heaven who will reward you!
And if you are someone’s boss, remember this: you have a lord in heaven who judges with no partiality. Be just and fair in your position of authority.
CONCLUSION
Look at these seven roles. Which of these can you relate to personally?
Paul’s point?
When you live like you belong to the new humanity, it transforms not only who you are—it transforms every God-given role and every relationship God has entrusted to you.
INVITATION
As you consider your God-ordained roles, let me ask you a question…
Are you satisfied with how you are functioning in your roles? Are you living like the new humanity?
Paul wrote Colossians to lead the church to believe that God is creating a new humanity through faith in Jesus… and he wanted them to live like they belong to it.
Would you like to mature as a disciple of Jesus within your role?
At Together Church, there’s a way for you to connect to that kind of discipleship. You can find it in our small groups.
Our small groups are disciple-making groups. In these groups, you can build relationships where you will learn how a disciple of Jesus grows in spiritual maturity. You can be trained to identify where you’re at in your spiritual maturity and what you need to keep growing. Most importantly, you’ll find relationships with people in similar God-given roles who can help you learn to live a new creation in your role.
We say it like this… it’s better caught than taught. Come and see by connecting with a small group.
And here’s one more opportunity…
This fall, we will be offering some Wednesday night classes that provide more in-depth biblical teaching for husbands and wives. I want to encourage all our men and women to prayerfully consider being part of these classes. These classes will start at the end of August, and we will have more details posted to the Right Now page and sent out soon.
At this time, I want to close the service by leading us in a time of prayer. If you’re in one of these roles, and the Holy Spirit is convicting you by showing you something you need to change to live like Jesus in your role, we want to pray for you.
Here’s how we will do that. If you want prayer, we will come to you and gather around you to pray. All you need to do is stand up and your brothers and sisters in Christ will come and pray with you.
Let’s do that now. Who would like prayer to be more like Jesus in your God-given role? Would you stand now so we can pray for you?